The Fiscal Cliff ... Clavins

 

           Cliff Clavin's Theory of Beer

"A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. When the herd is hunted, the slow and weak at the back are killed first. The speed and health of the herd keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members.

"In the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as its slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know, kills brain cells. Naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first.

"In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. That's why you always feel smarter after a few beers."

If I think over my universe of friends, lady friends that is, it seems to me that we are pretty much split evenly onto both sides of the political aisle. Some of us may be closer to the outside edge, others in the middle and some directly on the aisle itself but regardless of position, here’s what I know. Not one of us would hesitate for a minute to cross over to the other side to help solve a problem. I’m not sure if this is the case with my husband’s circle, some of who like nothing better than to send barbed email blasts deriding the politics of anyone with whom they don’t agree. I’m not blaming the men; I just don’t find this among the women.

We’re not Pollyannas. We know who thinks what. We just don’t get into it. We know who they are, we know they’re good people and we know they enrich our lives. We know they’re voting for the other side – and they know that we know – but we don’t get into it. We’re not going to change each other’s minds, and if we discussed issues we might find that we actually agree more than we disagree, but we leave it alone. And, despite our differences politically, over the course of my lifetime we have been able to achieve great things, in the church, in the workplace, in the community and in the volunteer arenas in which we serve.

So, how is it that after three years of wrangling and - is it really? - 6 billion dollars spent on the election, that we find ourselves being “led” by the same group of “leaders” and perched in the same precarious position in which we were before? If you hired a crew to wash your windows, and all they did was argue about how to do it – and the windows never got washed – would you pay them? Would you sign a two-year contract to have them wash your windows? How about four years? Or six? Does the answer really take a lot of thought?

So, here’s what I propose. While the gentlemen in charge in Washington are doing their absurd dance to “prevent” the disaster that they created, and that they’ve been unable to correct even until now, the very last minute, I’ll pick six of my women friends, go to Washington, and solve it in a week. I’ll pick three on the right and three on the left. We’ll get Michelle Obama to stop and pick up the Californians on her way back from Hawaii with the girls. We’ll stay with friends in D.C. and we’ll find our own way home. We’ll get it done, I promise. And it won't cost you a dime.

Of course our egos won’t be involved, and we won’t be looking at polls to see what everyone else thinks we should do – that actually doesn’t seem to have worked too well. And we won’t be worrying about getting re-elected, getting lobbyist support, or kissing any asses, of either party. Our only concern will be doing what needs to be done. I even have a suggestion for what we should call our committee. The National Commission on Fiscal Responsibility and Reform. Too long you say? How’s this? Simpson-Bowles!

So, let's send those Fiscal Cliff Clavins from each end of Constitution avenue over to Georgetown for some beers. I’ll even pay for it. We’ll all be a lot better off.