Cliff Clavin's Theory of Beer
"A
herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. When the herd is
hunted, the slow and weak at the back are killed first. The speed and health of
the herd keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members.
"In
the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as its slowest brain
cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know, kills brain cells. Naturally,
it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first.
"In
this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making
the brain a faster and more efficient machine. That's why you always feel
smarter after a few beers."
If I
think over my universe of friends, lady
friends that is, it seems to me that we are pretty much split evenly onto both
sides of the political aisle. Some of us may be closer to the outside edge,
others in the middle and some directly on the aisle itself but regardless of
position, here’s what I know. Not one of us would hesitate for a minute to
cross over to the other side to help solve a problem. I’m not sure if this is
the case with my husband’s circle, some of who like nothing better than to send
barbed email blasts deriding the politics of anyone with whom they don’t agree.
I’m not blaming the men; I just don’t find this among the women.
We’re
not Pollyannas. We know who thinks what. We just don’t get into it. We know who
they are, we know they’re good people and we know they enrich our lives. We
know they’re voting for the other side – and they know that we know – but we
don’t get into it. We’re not going to change each other’s minds, and if we
discussed issues we might find that we actually agree more than we disagree,
but we leave it alone. And, despite our differences politically, over the
course of my lifetime we have been able to achieve great things, in the church,
in the workplace, in the community and in the volunteer arenas in which we
serve.
So,
how is it that after three years of wrangling and - is it really? - 6 billion
dollars spent on the election, that we find ourselves being “led” by the same
group of “leaders” and perched in the same precarious position in which we were
before? If you hired a crew to wash your windows, and all they did was argue
about how to do it – and the windows never got washed – would you pay them?
Would you sign a two-year contract to have them wash your windows? How about
four years? Or six? Does the answer really take a lot of thought?
So,
here’s what I propose. While the gentlemen in charge in Washington are doing
their absurd dance to “prevent” the disaster that they created, and that they’ve been unable to correct even until
now, the very last minute, I’ll pick six of my women friends, go to Washington,
and solve it in a week. I’ll pick three on the right and three on the left.
We’ll get Michelle Obama to stop and pick up the Californians on her way back
from Hawaii with the girls. We’ll stay with friends in D.C. and we’ll find our
own way home. We’ll get it done, I promise. And it won't cost you a dime.
Of
course our egos won’t be involved, and we won’t be looking at polls to see what
everyone else thinks we should do – that actually doesn’t seem to have worked
too well. And we won’t be worrying about getting re-elected, getting lobbyist
support, or kissing any asses, of either party. Our only concern will be doing
what needs to be done. I even have a suggestion for what we should call our
committee. The National Commission on Fiscal Responsibility
and Reform. Too long you say? How’s this? Simpson-Bowles!
So,
let's send those Fiscal Cliff Clavins from each end of Constitution avenue over
to Georgetown for some beers. I’ll even pay for it. We’ll all be a lot better
off.
